Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in unseenthoughts' LiveJournal:

Thursday, October 13th, 2005
October 13th 2005|7.37pm	refusal another argument. nothing new there... i've come to the conclusion that i will never turn out to be like her. i refuse to be the person that she has become. even if this is "hereditary". i'm going to fuck the system. i'm going to fuck this life. i damn it to hell. i will not be like this. i've seen what it has done to everyone close. i cannot go on another day living in guilt and remorse. i live in the present, not in the past. so on this day, october 13,2005, i make a vow to myself to be the total opposite. i don't want to hurt my children like i've been hurt. and unlike her, i learn from other's mistake. yes it's unfortunate to say i don't want anything to do with her, but its the god's honest truth. Current Mood: pissed off
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Monday, October 10th, 2005
October 10th 2005|2.25am	can't sleep agg...i just hate those nights where you can't sleep. damn mosquito in my room is freaking me out...and when you're up at this time of night you get to thinking...i have come to the conclusion that i cannot live another day like this. i'm tired of worrying everyday. this isn't the life for a teenage girl in my shoes. i have to live my own life instead of trying to take care of others. i've noticed that my grades are starting to slip and the school year has just started. i can't even concentrate when i'm playing water polo anymore. i'm just not who i used to be anymore. i wanna be the kid who doesn't have a care in the world. i wanna just go out and have fun and not care what anyone else thinks of it. i just want to run until i have reached the point of no return. i want to be normal again. but one thing is holding me back from all of this. and in one word, just one little word, i can say its family. i have no family. i have no where to turn. i don't have a mom that cares like a regular mom should care. my sister is busting her ass at work so she can help pay for "me". let alone my dad is becoming unhealthy trying to raise two kids alone with only one income. it takes its toll...you can see the stress in his eyes. you can just look at anyone of us and tell something isn't quite right. how can someone do this to anyone? no one deserves to live like this. how can one person cause so much drama and just sit back and watch it unfold and not even say a word? i guess what i'm trying to say is i need to get away from here. i don't know where to go or how i'm going to get there, but i need to find peace in my life really soon or i'm just going to crack. i just want a mom who will be an actual "mother figure" to me. i can't stand the yelling and the fights about nonsense. i can't stand give the silent treatment to someone for such a long time. i can't stand watching other girls my age have the mom that i have been yearning for, for such a long time. i want something that i can call my own. my own little family that's all mine and no one can take this family away from me. i just want to be NORMAL. Current Mood: depressed
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Monday, September 12th, 2005
September 12th 2005|5.44pm	this is like my third live journal because the other ones either got deleted or got messed up some how. anyways...school actually seems like its going to be good this year. maybe things will start to change and get better for once...i'm happy. :) Current Mood: happy
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